Just because someone has a handicapped placard or accessible parking tag ... whatever term is used doesn't mean they have to be old, or ugly, or pathetic looking, or hooked to an oxygen tank, or have a cast, or use crutches. People who need handicapped spots shouldn't have to justify themselves.
A few years ago my husband and I went to meet some friends for happy hour on a beautiful evening at the MacGregor Village Draft House. I was having a yucky pain day in my knees and I was literally limping. Thankfully, there was a handicapped spot available. So, we parked and went inside. For those of you who don't live in Raleigh. MacGregor Village is across this street from an extremely wealthy neighborhood in Cary, NC.
After a fun evening of hanging out with friends, my husband and I returned back to our car to find this hateful note on our windshield. I kept it --at the time I was not quite sure why, but I felt like I needed to keep it. Maybe in the back of my mind I knew that I would someday begin to advocate for people who are sick. I knew that this would be an important subject to share shortly after I decided to blog.
The number at the bottom of the note is the Cary Police Station. Not knowing that it was the police, I called it after we got in the car. The dispatcher kept asking me if my call was an emergency. I was so confused. She eventually put me on hold. When she got back on the line, I read the note to her and asked her if a policeman wrote it. Her reaction was perfect; she reassured me that Cary cops would never do anything so rude, and assured me that if they were unsure of someone using a handicapped spot that they would simply check my records with my license plate number.
Then, she went on to say that the police understand that young people may need to use a handicapped spot, and they may not "look sick." Thank you kind dispatch lady ..... I should have gotten your name.
The note really shook me up because:
- I am a woman and this person called me a "fatass". I was on prednisone at the time, and it makes you puffy and "fat", so that whole assumption that people who are overweight are obviously lazy is completely bogus. Often, they are SICK.
- A stranger was so angry and hateful towards us and he didn't even know us. So, this was my first real taste of prejudice and discrimination. Of course, I had been discriminated against before, but not with such force.
- This "angry person" did not even see me limping ,and he posed as a cop. He was just so sure of himself.
- Sadly, I always take a look around when I get out of the car after parking; I have a slight fear that someone will just start ranting at me.
What have I learned from this?I know what it's like to be discriminated against, and it sucks. I try very hard to not make assumptions about people based on the way they look. Everyone has an individual story ..... treat them as an individual .... have the grace to give people the benefit of the doubt. And on "good days" I don't take the handicapped spot because there is always someone worse off than me. At the grocery store, I offer to take peoples' carts back to the store who are handicapped, because I've had my fair share of rough days where it was a struggle to shop and a struggle to get the cart back.
Here's a great website about not "looking" sick http://butyoudontlooksick.com/
Sorry about the note being kind of blurry, if you can't read it let me know, and I can send it to you as a PDF file.
ReplyDeleteI could read it, and it made me very sad. People are so hateful, often for no reason. What could honestly have motivated that person to waste their time being so mean? I suppose they thought they were doing something "just." Elliot and I use his handicap pass, and sometimes I worry about that. But Elliot has an obvious physical disability. You mentioned not looking sick... I feel that way about my students with cognitive disabilities sometimes. Their elementary peers are kind to other children who are disabled, but it seems that's only true if the child looks disabled. If the only problem is mental functioning, it seems like those children have a much harder time socially. I think people can accept something that is not the norm if it LOOKS like it's not normal. However, if something looks normal, it feels like it goes against some predetermined notion, so it won't be tolerated.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing, Cristen, this is very interesting. I plan to share this with my grandmother, who has been diagnosed with fibromyalgia.
Oh hell, I can't even think of a strong enough superlative to respond to this. I am currently recovering from what was basically a reconstruction of my left foot and so am wheelchair bound for the first time ever. Can't use crutches because of the RA damage in my wrists/shoulders etc. I've had the handicap placard since about three months before my surgery (foot was so painful I could hardly walk, hence the need for surgery). This is what really gets me: when old people give me the stinkeye, like how dare you take my parking spot. I'm 43 but I guess I look younger (probably from the air of immaturity in which I dwell). One of these days...my head's going to erupt, I just know it. Like I don't have enough to deal with trying to just freaking move, ya know? I just want to say to them, "Hey Lady! Look at yourself! What are you, 70? I PRAY that I even make it that far. Really, do you expect me to feel guilty? YOU should feel guilty. 30 years ago were YOU dealing with your handicap?" Come on, people. Man. RA makes me grumpy. Anyway...stay tuned, I am working on a comic about this very thing...
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